Love and Marriage: This is Why I'm SIngle

After reading an article about why women might be single I thought it appropriate to put together a list of why men are single.  Then it dawned on me, it’s not the same, it’s not the same because as one friend told me as I was putting together this blog, men are not pressured to be in a relationship, there’s not the same stigma attached with a single man as it is with a single woman.    With that being said, the original article “Love and Marriage: This is why you’re Single,” that prompted my thoughts has become “Love and Marriage: Why I Choose to be Single.”

*Caution, of course this doesn’t represent the thoughts of all men, but if you read this and can relate you know the adage “if the shoe fits wear it.” To all women this may be hard to swallow, but there’s an old saying for you as well, “the truth hurts.”  Here are my 10+ reasons why men choose to be single.  +note 10, 11, and 12 can be lumped together.

1. Unlimited Booty Calls no need to be in a relationship/ get married; I can get all the sex I want without the hassle of commitment.  Generally it just takes a drink at the bar, a dinner and movie, and in some cases the infamous 3 A.M. call.
2. I got keys Why be in a relationship/ get married if I can just shack up. You can cook for me, clean for me, wash my clothes, and tell all your little girlfriends “girl I got a man.” Sure you do you gave me a set of keys to the crib.
3. “Dime” Piece I want the “dime,” I haven’t found a woman who meets every criteria on my list. She has to be shapely, cute, smart, have a job, no kids, hair, and is a freak in the bed.
4. Stingy with the Benjis I don’t have a lot of money, but if I get married the little money I got a woman will take some when we divorce.  I’m not getting married because I want to keep my money, same thing with relationships.  If I have a girlfriend, if something happens and she needs some money she’ll think I’m obligated to give her some.
5. Divorced been there done that not doing it again.
6. I’m too FlyI look to good to get married, I get so much attention from women why would I settle with one when I’ve loved, adored, and wanted by many, not only that I’m too young, I got things to do a woman would just cramp my style.
7. Heartbroken contrary to popular believe you’ve had your heart broken before, don’t like the feeling and so now, no woman, gets the benefit of doubt. As far as you’re concerned they’re all hoes and sluts, and would just as soon dog you as soon as they could.
8. Hoes and Sluts I see the way you dress, and the way you look, you a hoe.  You told me“I don’t normally do this,” so I guess I’m special.  I’m supposed to believe all those Trojans in the pickle jar are just in case.  Meeting me on the first time showing me your skills is something you don’t do all the time either, huh?  Why would even think about marrying someone like you.
9. Zero Pressure Nobody is telling me I need to get married, none of my boys are married, my mama ain’t asking me when I’m going to get married.  Now that I think about it I really don’t see myself getting married… don’t even ask me to go to a wedding, not going to happen.
10. Baby Daddy Drama always seems to follow a woman with kids, you try to hang with them every once and while and soon as you do here comes, Tyrone causing problems.
11. Bebe’s kids you don’t want to marry because women who have children seem to have some little demons, and since men and women parent different, you don’t think it would ever work.  She let’s them run around turning up stuff, you’re quick to put a stop to it, which causes problems.  Another problem kids get all attached to you like you’re their dad, so much so the kids start calling you dad.
12. Replacement Dad you see every woman with kids as a woman looking to get a daddy for their bad ass kids.
13. I ain’t Changing relationships mean I have to change who I am, have to be in at a decent time, got to hear drama if I want to watch the game.  I go from being able to relax kick my shoes off in the middle of the floor to having to be responsible.
14. Badge of Honor I like being a bachelor; I wear my title bachelor, like a badge of honor.

Men and women are different and we see life different, one aspect is relationships.  Traditionally women want them and men don’t.  Of course, if women really wanted that to change it could, but women would have to be on a common front… Til Next – The Intellectual1, Shawn Gardner)

Let's Talk it Over...Dealing with the conflict of lIfe

I talk about race, because we don’t like to, I talk about men/ women relationships and the role each of us play in the good and bad of them, because we don’t like to, I talk about bad parenting, because we don’t like to… nowadays, I’m taking a lot of heat, which is cool because the heat is toughening my skin like leather, the only way we grow as a society, as a people is to really communicate with each other, not only about the things we like and have in common (which we do all the time), but about the issues we don’t like. The stuff we shy away from, the stuff we call conflict.

The first thing we need to understand is that conflict, in itself, is not bad. The good thing about conflict is it brings issues to the table. For example, I facilitate something called Conversation Café (to learn more about it go to their website: www.conversationcafe.org). As a skilled facilitator, I modified the process just a tidbit. As opposed to not having a say, I have a say, but I also play devil’s advocate. The purpose of doing so, is that over the years I’ve learned people are reluctant to share their true deepest views. What people generally do is share a, somewhat neutral view, in hopes they can slide their perspective in without having to support/ defend it. However, by playing devil’s advocate, it pushes that button, and thus comes the real. Which is good, that’s how healthy debate evolves, really sharing your views.

Look at the issue of race, it is probably one of the most hot button topics in the US, and what do we do as a country? Shy away from it. An example, the US finally has a black President, and during his campaign, instead of his position on politics, instead of something he said, instead of something he actually did, there was a huge uproar over something the preacher of his church said. What the preacher said really isn’t as important as what I noticed. I walk in diverse circles and the conversation sounded similar dependent the circle I was in. When I found myself amongst my white friends it was more of a, we need to move on/ hatred for his country/ he’s a racist type discussion, but something was different amongst my black friends. There was a sense we could relate to what was said and there’s a sense also, having this discussion with black friends there was validity to what he was saying. The problem is we never took the time to really make a “teachable moment,” as President Obama addressed it. He left the church, the preacher was demonized, and society went back to our divided segregated views.

In conflict there is something called “intractable conflict,” which essentially means if a conflict takes place for so long and not resolved it takes a life of its own, the outcome is negative for everyone involved. When we don’t discuss issues and allow them linger, in my mind, they become an intractable conflict. One ingredient to intractable conflict is they seem like they can never be resolved… need I say more?

There’s an attorney in the city I’m from, Louisville, named Brandon Lawrence, and he has a radio show where he talks about important social issues, but more importantly, and the reason I bring him up is the name of his show “Let’s Talk it Over.” Nothing gets resolved til we do so… til next time –The Intellectual1

In Case you thought Racism was dead...

I know this is a blog about urban Louisville, but every now and then something catches my eye that I feel we all need to pay attention to. The story of Bobby Yates is one of them. Here is an description of what happened. Thanks to the Field-negro for posting this first. This account was taken from his blog post.


"(Paris, TX) – April 14, 2011 - Local residents and others are seeking financial assistance for the legal defense of a Paris man accused of sexual assault in a case civil rights activists state is one of several that illustrates racism within the town’s criminal justice system. Bobby Yates, a 51 year-old African American Paris resident, who lost his lower limbs in a hunting accident over two decades ago and who is also paralyzed, is set to stand trial this month for the alleged sexual assault of a 16 year-old white female, who came to his home with two adult white males at 2 a.m. on March 18, 2008. Yates called 911 for help and can be heard on a 911 tape on the morning of the alleged incident, stating the group beat him and requesting police help with forcing them to leave his home. Local activists allege a police report filed in the incident states instead that the female was the one to make the call to 911. They also suggest that the arrest report purposely includes a photo of Yates which may lead one to believe that he is standing up and leaves blank the question of height and scars. They state that on another report, a height of 5”9” is listed. Activists also claim that accompanying information did not disclose his amputation information or his penectomy resulting from complications after the amputation.

A gag order has reportedly been issued in the case, and related records sealed. This is a concern for those attempting to help Yates with raising funds for his defense due to the inability to obtain and verify information about the case.

Yates is scheduled for jury selection April 20, 2011. His court appointed attorney filed a motion to withdraw as attorney of record, after Yates refused to accept a plea.

Yates recently found an attorney willing to represent him; however, activists say funds are needed to help with his defense. "


Check out this website for more info.

This type of stuff just makes me mad.  It's 2011, but sometimes it seems like we are losing ground.

Black Unemployment at Depression levels

There is an article on the Huffington Post about how black unemployment is at depression levels in some cities. Does this really surprise anybody? In places like New York, black male unemployment is over 50%. Usually the black unemployment rate is double that of whites. So, in a prolonged recession as the one we're in it makes perfect sense that the black unemployment rate would be so high.  The real question is what are we going to do about it?

The talk in Washington has quickly turned from jobs to cut the deficit. The worse part is that most of the cuts will be to programs that help those in the lower income brackets. Basically congress looks to balance the budget on the backs of the poor and middle class.

Locally, the situation is just as bad as it on the national level. What makes Louisville's situation worse is that we were shedding jobs years before the recession started. The bad news is that it will take Louisville years to add jobs at the rate of peer cities. Until that happens you can expect even more middle class African Americans from Louisville to leave and look for greener pastures elsewhere.

Read the whole article about black unemployment. It's a very good read.

New Study says that downtown adds jobs, but work still needs to be done

According to the C-J a new report to be released later today says that downtown Louisville added jobs faster most of our peer cities. Using various data the researches show that Louisville's downtown worker grew by almost 12% from 2002-2009. That was the largest increase compared to all of our peer cities. Not to shabby.

However, downtown Louisville didn't fair as well when it came to housing, retail, and the number of fortune 500 companies in the center of the city. We ranked last when it came to homeownership rates and our median household income was only $14,733, and we all know about downtown Louisville's extreme lack of any retail. All in all the report pretty much reaffirms what most us already new, except maybe the number of jobs we added to downtown.

In the article in the C-J it was good to see Mayor Fischer talk about the need to attract more local retail businesses to downtown Louisville, especially the block south of Fourth Street Live. The city said that it will use the report to help attract more retail downtown and help develop market rate housing.

I wish the C-J had linked to the full report so I could have read it for myself, but from reading the article I do have a couple of thoughts. My first thought centers around downtown retail. I notice the article didn't mention any future projects. What ever happened to the Center City Project by the Coordish Group? Wasn't this suppose to be a great retail/housing development?

The argument against downtown retail I'm sure is lack of people living downtown and income, but that misses the larger picture. Namely that there are several Louisville neighborhoods that form the border of downtown Louisville that have virtually no retail. I think any plan to attract retail downtown should include these neighborhoods. How many people who live in western Louisville, the Highlands, Old Louisville, Irish Hill, Germantown, Butchertown, and Smoketown would rather shop in downtown Louisville than go across the bridge to Indiana?

I do like the focus on more market rate housing in downtown Louisville. Louisville doesn't have a wealthy enough population to sustain the typical condo/tower model. If we can get more affordable condos and apartments in the center city I think we would see a lot more people moving back downtown. Louisville could also mask the lack of housing downtown by investing more in the neighborhoods that surround town.  

I wish I could have a more detail critique of the report, but without reading it for myself that will just have to wait.

Louisville's Black Agenda

"Chance has never yet satisfied the hope of a suffering people"

                                                     Marcus Garvey

This weekend I watched parts of MSNBC's  'A Stronger America: The Black Agenda' and I started to think to myself what is Louisville's black agenda? Do we have one, and if we do what is it? As far as I can tell we don't. What we have in Urban Louisville is chance and hope.  

There is chance that when the Louisville economy turns around that it will also lift black Louisville. There is a chance the state government will increase its investment in the states urban areas and thereby increase investment in black Louisville. 

We hope crime will decrease and educational attainment increase when he pass an ordinance making youth pull their pants up.  We hope that getting a new school superintended will spur academic achievement in our youth.

That's what we have in Louisville. Chance and hope. We need more than that. Our people are suffering and yet there is no relief in sight. The good news is that we have been here before and we found our way out. We decided as a people in the early 1900's that we would improve our lot in life and we did it. We built very prosperous business districts, we built our own schools, libraries, civic institutions. Urban Louisville was even on the vanguard of the national Civil Rights Movement. We gave the NAACP it's first ever victory in front of the supreme court and thereby the foundation of Brown v. The Board of Education. Several of the national leaders of the NAACP and the Urban League came from Louisville. If we did it once we can do it again.  

The only way we can right the ship is to develop a plan. We need an agenda that not only outlines what we want to achieve, but how we are going to achieve it. It has to address everything from education to zoning laws. It has to be a living breathing document or documents that can change with the times. The agenda has to come from a bottom up perspective. We have to focus on those that have been left behind and include them in the conversation. Finally, we have to create financially independent institutions that can push the agenda forward. I think there are enough motivated and bright people in Louisville that we can make it a reality. The question is will we?

My Wish List for 2011

Now that the new year has arrived here is my wish list of things that I would like to see in Louisville.

1. I would like to see some sort of plan put in place for the revitalization of the West End. A good plan that addresses the needs of residents and has policies in place to rebuild neighborhoods and mom and pop businesses. Not the plan that calls for large portions of the West End to be demolished and turned into a business park or a light industrial wasteland.  That's part A. Part B would be to see some sort of government follow through. Louisville did a great job planning, designing, and building Park Duvalle. Then they dropped the ball when it came to small business attraction for the development. The city took forever to relocate businesses (causing one business to go out of business because the city took so long), and to get the grocery store that was promised when the development was first planned. When Park Duvalle finally got a grocery store it was a Save-a-lot. Not a Kroger, a Valumart, or even a Pic Pac. You build a middle class development and all you can get is Save-a-lot. We can do better. 

2. I want to see the city get serious about business development. Not just business attraction, but development. There is a lot of talent here in town, but it needs help. 

3. Stop the Bridges Project! This is a joke. We already have enough money to build the East End bridge. Build the East End bridge and spend the other $3.7 billion on something else. Why do we need to pay at least $3 in tolls when the states own study says the East End bridge would solve over 90% of our traffic congestion? The Bridges Authority has talked about tolling all existing bridges and Spaghetti Junction. That's just insane and a supreme waste of money. There are much better plans out there that would be much cheaper. Every other city in the country is trying to tear down expressways as they pass through downtown or our near their waterfronts. We want to cover our waterfront with even more concrete. That's just insane. What's even crazier is that traffic is declining not increasing. We need to stop this now!

4. Take the transportation money from the bridges fiasco and give us a modern mass transit system. 

5. Invest in our neighborhoods. Louisville is a city of neighborhoods, but in the past 8 years we haven't invested in them. If we are going to compete with our peer cities then we have invest in one of our greatest strength, our neighborhoods. 

6. Find a way to physically reconnect West Louisville to the rest of Louisville. Currently I-64 as it passes downtown and 9th street act like barriers. 

7. Get serious about the education of black kids in Louisville. The graduation rates of black kids in JCPS is a joke. Especially black males. We can do better. We have to do better.

I could go on and on, but I'm not. I feel that this is a good place to start. If we can just start on the things listed on this list I feel that Louisville can make great strides.